Men, Women and Relationships

“You know, the right guy won’t get you to change. He won’t subtly pressure you. He won’t tell you who you can and can’t talk to. He won’t hide the fact that you’re hanging out. He’s not gonna tell you you’re wrong for feeling; for being a girl. The right guy will show you off to his friends. He’ll take it as slow as you want. He’ll only go as far as you’re comfortable with. He’ll take you out to places, even if it’s just a fast food place or the store. He’ll actually sit through your stupid, girly Disney movies with you because he just wants to be with you. The right guy will come along someday, you just gotta tough it out and wait for him. But whatever you do, don’t settle for the wrong guy. You deserve so much more.”

Reading things like this make me sad. Not sad because I don’t agree with it (because I do). But sad because it just simply isn’t realistic, not for women that is.

You see, guys like this do actually exist in the world. Myself being one of them, I know what this kind of relationship ends up being: friendship. All these kinds of girls really want is to be your friend. And it’s true, we make really good friends. We can go places, hang out, have dinner, etc. and have a dandy time. But as this goes on, the woman becomes complacent with this casual type of hanging out. This leads to an inherent decision that the guy is best suited to fill that role of a close friend, and nothing more. Whether or not the guy is interested in a deeper relationship (dating) or not is usually irrelevant as the woman will make this decision regardless (unless it was established at the beginning that dating would never occur). Even then, there’s always the possibility of self-change and everyone can be there own judge to that (but don’t bank on it!), but I digress. Whatever the individual circumstances, the guy will never be fully in control, which is okay cause that shouldn’t ever be the case (that would be bad and you wouldn’t be this guy).

But my point here is this: the guy that is described in the above quote, will most always end up stuck in the “friend zone”. It’s not our fault. We’re the ones who sit here and listen and comfort and cry with you, even when our day has other important things in it. We’re the ones who are always looking out for what’s best for you, even when you don’t realize it. We’re the ones who put your needs before our own, even when you don’t know it. We’re the ones who choose to return that close connection, even when we could get it from another friend or already have it with one. We’re the ones who are there when you need….well, anything. Cause that’s the type of guys that we are. We are willing to drop everything because you are just that important to us. Now yes, the guy that does this is, 99% of the time, interested in pursuing a relationship much deeper than friendship (there’s always exceptions). But the type of guy described above will even do this for certain friends. There is also the factor of his relationship with the Lord. A true man of God would be willing to give his own life for his fellow man and some carry this over into everyday “emergencies” that arise. Yes, we do have our own lives and we do manage to lead them just fine. We just choose to put your needs first at that time. Cause you are one of the most important things in our life and we would do anything for you.

Now, isn’t that the type of guy that these women want? Give me your thoughts and comments.

P.S. I realized about halfway through writing this that it was starting to get really personal and some of this does come from personal experience. I have learned from talking with others and reading several articles that these opinions are shared by many others. This was simply meant as an additional commentary on the quote.

P.P.S. I am gonna try and blog more and am thinking of starting vlogging. Either way, I will have an update forthcoming on my current happenings and my Lent experience this year. Stay tuned!
This entry was posted in dating relationships friendships men women guys girls, Feelings. Bookmark the permalink.

3 Responses to Men, Women and Relationships

  1. Why do guys end up in the friend zone? Because they put themselves there. The friendships that you’re describing are not necessarily totally one sided, but they are very unbalanced. While it’s good to be a caring, attentive boyfriend, it does not mean that guys should be a 24/7 on the call “just friend” doormat. Yes, some girls will hang out with you. In fact, there will most likely be that one special girl who you like that hangs out with you more than she’ll admit to herself or anyone around her. She knows she can call you when shes down. Or when she’s bored. Or whenever. Does that mean she has feelings for you? Maybe. More likely though she likes the attention that you show her, likes knowing someone thinks she’s special; likes being liked. That’s human nature. But that doesn’t mean she wants to date the “just friend.” It means that he needs to get his emotional boundaries under control, because he’s basically just being a puppy dog. Everyone likes puppies; no one wants to date one. Sometimes these friendships result in the girl eventually developing feeling back for the just friend. Sometimes this is good, but I would say more times it just leads to short flings where the emotionally stronger girl gets past whatever sexual tension was there, gets tired of the guy and remembers all of the reasons she had for not dating him in the first place. She feels kinda guilty but moves on, he feels devistated and sucks it up to stay friends with her. Because that's what he does. Just friend guys need to stop blaming girls and be real men. If you’re friends with a girl you like, that’s fine. If you find yourself going out of your way to “be there” for her, with seemingly little or no movement towards a real relationship, you’ve entered the world of the puppydog and need to find the doggy door quick. Because you deserve to date someone who wants to date you for who you are, not because you’ve finally worn them down. Be a confident man who a girl will respect, look up to and see as a potential leader of a household. This doesn’t mean giving up being a “nice guy;” it does mean saving your emotional commitments for a real two-way relationship.

  2. Anonymous says:

    Most guys get in the friend zone because they waited too long and missed their chance. Usually due to "I don't want to destroy the relationship." But frankly, if you're interested in a girl and don't tell her, you've already ruined the relationship. If you confess your feelings and she doesn't feel the same way, things may get awkward and you may even not be able to talk to her again. I consider that far better than pretending you're "just a friend" and ok with it.

  3. Arms says:

    Point of view of girl didn't really address the point of my post. If this is the type of guy that these girls want, then why do they seem to contradict themselves? Want him, don't want him, these girls can't seem make up their minds. There are plenty of these guys that exist (I know I haven't been very secretive about the fact that I believe that I am one of them. Please understand that I don't intend to brag or boast about this. I only state this in the humblest possible way.), but they always seem to end up as friends with these girls and nothing more. This is where my perplexities lie. Any thoughts on this, POV girl?

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