“You have so many relationships in this life,
Only one or two will last.
You go through all the pain and strife,
Then you turn your back and they’re gone so fast.
And they’re gone so fast.
So hold on to the ones who really care.
In the end they’ll be the only ones there.
When you get old and start losing your hair,
Can you tell me who will still care?
Can you tell me who will still care?”
This is the first verse of my favorite song, MMMBop by Hanson. Most people enjoy the fun, upbeat sound of this song. That is not the main reason I enjoy this song. These lyrics resonate with me more than most other songs. I’ve seen a lot of people come and go in my 25 years of life. For most, it’s just the natural progression of moving on in life. For some, it’s a matter of differences (personal, geographical, etc). But for still others, there is just no good reason. And when that happens, I feel like crap. I’ve always strived to be as good a friend to anyone else that I would have them be to me. When someone leaves like that, it makes me feel like I did something wrong. I feel like I have to change because apparently there was something about me that that person didn’t like. This can be used to explain my rash of changing hair styles. It’s all deeply rooted in my wanting to always please others. This is why MMMBop appeals to me. If I don’t leave, then maybe they won’t leave. If I continue to be the person who doesn’t leave, maybe someday someone else will return the favor.
But in wanting to please others, it also means I look like a doormat to others. I am a fairly intelligent person and usually thinking a few steps ahead of everyone. It doesn’t look good on the outside, but I know what I’m doing and don’t necessarily care if people think I’m a doormat. But then there are the few times that I do stand up for myself. After all the nagging about not doing it, when I do finally put my foot down, it is perceivably the wrong time. This bothers me. Sometimes I will give in again because I’m made to see that I really am wrong. But other times I won’t because others really don’t understand all that is going on. And again the perception of me is negative. I’ve always tried not to let others’ view of me affect me, but this has been bugging me.