Frustration & Anger

I’m gonna rant and vent a little right now because I’m kinda pissed.

I know I’ve been asking God for signs as to what decisions I need to make. But once again, God’s plans are not my own. I’ve always been open to whatever He has in store for my life. I’m always hopeful that my own plans are in line with His. But I can’t help being a little pissed off when they’re not. Don’t get me wrong; I’m not saying I’m mad at God. I’m merely mad at myself for building up my expectations and being on the wrong side yet again. I’m mad because I invest in people who disappoint me. I’m mad because people who don’t know my intentions do things I don’t understand. I’m mad because I once again look like an idiot. A complete and utter moron.

I don’t blame others for things they don’t know about me; that would be stupid. As always, I’m the one to blame. It was my decision to invest. It was my decision to get attached. It was my decision to have expectations. I was the one who saw it coming. I was the one who ultimately couldn’t make the decision that ended up being made for me; just not the way I had been hoping. Yes, I’m very grateful for my God’s direction in my life. He is the Lord of my life and has ultimate control over it. I now have His guidance to act.

I’m still über pissed.

But it’s a new year and it’s time for change. I’ve been applying for full time work for over a month now and I’m gonna be even more aggressive in the coming days and weeks. Hopefully I will have a full time job by February. Then I can work toward the next step in life, which I can hopefully share in with someone else.

Still pissed.

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