Do you ever have those times when you just really want to help someone? Those times frustrate me. I’m frustrated because that want is never satisfied; I never get to follow through with my help. Any help I offer is immediately dismissed. Why be so dismissive when your health is on the line? Does the fact that I care about you [enough to be willing to take you to the emergency room] scare you?
I think the most frustrating thing about caring for others is not getting the same from others, even those who directly receive it. Now, that’s not to say that I do it because I want them to return the favor. It’s like how the grace of God saves us and not our own works. There’s the whole issue of fruits that make your faith evident to others. Those fruits aren’t a result of your own effort or works; they are an outpouring of the Holy Spirit as the result of a life following Christ. In the same way, I feel that the response to something like this should be different.
Maybe I’m wrong. Maybe I’m just angry and frustrated because I don’t feel loved in the same way that I love others. Maybe I’m angry because I’m a single guy hearing about all this crap that goes on in the lives of people I care about and there’s not a thing I can do about it but stand there and nod. Maybe I’m frustrated that I try to make it easy to let people in, but all they do is resist when I’m the one standing at the door.
In reality, how I feel about someone matters very little. I love easily; it’s how they feel about me that matters. For all that I do or try to do, it doesn’t matter. Nobody wants to give me what I need; not that I deserve it. I’m still waiting for that job God has for me. Do you want to know how to love me? Let me love you and show you how much I care about you. I’m gonna love you regardless; it’s a lot less painful when you stop resisting and embrace it/me. That’s the “her” the title of my blog refers to.
Can we please just stop playing these games and get back to the basics? It just seems like Matthew 7:12 has kind of gotten lost in translation. But what do I know? I just end up internalizing, then ranting about it.